


Stuck Between (the Old and the New) Us

by vminanon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alpha Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Arranged Marriage, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, Omega Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Title is subject to change, cameos from other groups, chaebols, that's my intention anyway, you bet i'm littering this with rarepairs from other groups
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:21:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27912205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vminanon/pseuds/vminanon
Summary: Jihoon's world rapidly falls apart when he's told he's supposed to mate his best friend in three months. He's never viewed the alpha as anything more than a dear friend. Will they be able to make it work, or will the bond die before it's fully formed?
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	Stuck Between (the Old and the New) Us

**Author's Note:**

> So this has been in my drafts for awhile and I need to just put it out in the world and hopefully that will drive me to write more. I hope you like it.
> 
> It's tagged slow burn and I hope I can succeed with that. I've got a lot of plans and ideas and I can't wait to make them all happen. It'll hopefully be worthwhile and enjoyable to read!
> 
> And man I almost flipped a coin because I couldn't decide who would be the alpha and who would be the omega, but I decided that I love torturing Jihoon the most and that was that!
> 
> Oh and TW for vomiting. There's a lot of crying and vomiting in the first chapter, sorry.

The din of the restaurant serves as a small distraction as he eyes the menu. Jihoon’s eager to get out of there, in spite of the fact that the graduation party isn’t until later tonight, but he hopes it isn’t too obvious to his grandmother that he’d rather not be here. It’s a fine restaurant, she must have booked it months in advance, so he indulges her. They haven’t seen much of each other lately either. He can hear her complaining about it already and he cringes as subtly as he can.  
  
“Since you’ve finally graduated I want to talk about getting off your suppressants.” He should have known this is what this was about. “I’m not getting any younger,” she reminds him, but she doesn’t sound as stern as she could have. Lord knows that Yoongi’s parents have been shoving it down his throat for years already. They had a silent agreement that she wouldn’t hound Jihoon about this until he was finished with his degrees. He may have double majored, but maybe he could.. do it again. It sounds like a fantastic idea at the moment.  
  
Lifting his eyes from the menu, not to listen to her talk but on a whim, he looks up to see Soonyoung and his mothers walking in. Jihoon tilts his head, it’s not often he sees him agitated in the wild. It’s usually reserved for studying and when people don’t give their all at something. He’s been at the end of that more times than he can count. Soonyoung means well, though.  
  
Using his nonexistent telepathy he tries to will the alpha to look at him and eventually their eyes meet and that’s when things quickly start going downhill. Soonyoung flinches. Honest to god _flinches_ upon seeing him and Jihoon makes a face, genuinely caught off guard.  
  
“Jihoon,” his grandmother admonishes him. Probably because of the ugly face he’s making. “What are you—“ and then she looks over her shoulder to whatever he’s looking at and she claps her hands together. Jihoon thinks it might be because she adores Soonyoung — has done since they were kids — but when Soonyoung and his mothers walk over, a sense of impending doom looms over him. He notices suddenly how they’re seated at a round table decked for five, instead of any of the vacant dual seats. What the hell… if they planned this, why are they both caught off guard?  
  
“Soonyoung,” His grandmother greets him with a kiss to his cheek and quickly continues greeting his mothers in the same way. “I’m so happy we could do this.”  
  
“Eat?” Jihoon furrows his brows and gives a nod to Soonyoung and is barely there enough to hug his mothers in greeting. Something about the set in Soonyoung’s jaw tells him he knows something he doesn’t and it unsettles him. Soonyoung looks like he wants to sit anywhere but next to him, but his mothers don’t allow it. He’s never seen the alpha so tense before, except for that one time he tried and failed to hit on Jooheon freshman year. That sure was something. He should start teasing him about that again, remind Jeonghan of that glorious night so they can do it together.  
  
“Don’t be silly, Jihoon,” his grandmother admonishes again. What’s silly about eating at a restaurant? Jihoon quietly observes Soonyoung trying to pour himself a glass of water. “We’re here to discuss your mating.” Jihoon’s head tilts, his eyes still on Soonyoung who spills water everywhere. Why does it feel like he’s falling? He tries desperately to scramble onto any way he could have misconstrued this. She simply said ‘mating.’ That doesn’t mean anything. Ignore the table for five and Soonyoung’s behaviour. Ignore the heat suppressants and the glint in his grandmother’s eyes when she looks at Soonyoung. She means mating in general, right? Asking if they’re interested in anyone or want to settle down?  
  
He finds himself unable to look at his best friend, scared of confirming what he already knows to be true without asking, but he has to. He needs to stop this cold sweat from spreading by having his suspicions denied.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Jihoon,” How many times can she speak his name that exasperated way before dinner? “Your mating of course.”  
  
“I don’t understand—“ Soonyoung’s hand grabs his thigh in a vice grip and all air leaves Jihoon’s lungs.  
  
“Don’t be cute,” His grandmother waves the waiter over, asks for their ‘finest champagne’ and continues. “We’ve been looking forward to your union for a long time now. Oh, I can’t wait for the ceremony.” Long time? Ceremony? Long time as in what, since they attended uni or high school or when they were introduced as toddlers? Soonyoung’s fingers burn where they grip his thigh, but he doesn’t have the awareness to shake him off. Did they plan this since they were kids? That wasn’t a joke at their expense since they were best friends?  
  
“Is this.. a joke?” He finds himself saying, again needing the conclusion he’s reached to be denied. Just a terrible joke. If they stop now it’s fine, he won’t be upset or angry for making him lose his shit in a nearly packed restaurant.  
  
“Lee Jihoon,” His grandmother fixes him with a stern look. “We’ve told you about this since you were kids.”  
  
“I thought you were joking!” He’d feel bad about embarrassing himself in front of Soonyoung’s mothers, but they’re already his family and now suddenly his whole world is shifted on its head and he’s apparently on his way to become a legitimate son of theirs.  
  
“The Lee’s aren’t known to ‘joke.’” She huffs. And it’s a fair point; he’s never heard her tell a joke in his life and he can’t remember his grandfather, but he doesn’t doubt he was very much of the same temperament. Soonyoung chuckles humorlessly from beside him.  
  
“You’ll be so handsome,” Soonyoung’s omega mother says dreamily, bringing them back on track, and he honestly can’t tell if she means him, her son or the two of them. This is a dream, right? He’ll wake up in a cold sweat in an hour, clutching his neck for a mating scar that’s not there and miss the kids he dreamed up for a split second before slumping with relief. He’ll call Soonyoung and they’ll have a laugh and for a month or two they’ll tease each other about it; call each other ‘honey’ and have arguments about how to raise their hypothetical children and whether or not they should focus on music or sports. Yeah. This is fine. He’ll wake up any moment now.  
  
“Mother,” Soonyoung cringes and his pressure on Jihoon’s thigh lessens, but isn’t removed. “Please.”  
  
“What? It’s true!”  
  
Three months. The venue is booked three months from now, the trio announces as the champagne is popped. Three months left until everything changes. _Except, that’s too optimistic._ Something shifted before dinner was even over.  
  
Jihoon’s a good son. He’s known forever that he won’t be the one choosing his mate and he was content with that, but now… faced with the reality of it. Faced with _Soonyoung_ it’s too much. Would he be feeling this queasy, sinking feeling in his chest if he were faced with a stranger? Or would it seem just as daunting? He can feel them drifting apart already. Soonyoung’s hand falls to his side and there's a gaping crater between them, threatening to grow bigger.  
  
  
  
  
The ride to Jihoon’s place is quiet. They’d somehow been pushed to riding home together in Soonyoung’s car. Something about the trio wanting to finalise some preparations for the ceremony.  
  
He’d hoped they’d be able to talk, but Jihoon hasn’t so much as glanced his way since dinner. The atmosphere is stifling. He wants to reach out, see if they can’t figure this out together, but Jihoon’s shot down every attempt at a conversation. He doesn’t even answer when Soonyoung asks if he wants to turn the radio on.  
  
It leaves him lost, unsure what to do. So caught up in his own emotions and insecurities he forgets to be considerate of the way Jihoon is holding himself. He’s tense in his seat, not open to Soonyoung’s insistent prodding in the slightest. Had he really looked at him he’d know not to push it.  
  
But he’s too preoccupied, so when they stop at a red light Soonyoung puts a hand on his thigh and that’s when he notices Jihoon’s knuckles, white from gripping too tight. The distressed scent spikes and he can hear Jihoon starting to hyperventilate. Soonyoung opens his mouth to voice his concern and that’s when Jihoon pushes him off, breath caught in his throat.   
  
“I can’t do this!” Jihoon says and grabs the door handle without a second thought and pushes himself out of the car, running to the sidewalk.  
  
“Jihoon!” Everything happens too quickly and the light turns green, cars honking behind him. He’s got no choice but to hit the gas. “Stupid!” Soonyoung berates himself and hits the steering wheel hard enough his hand hurts.  
  


⋆

  
  


One missed call. He stares at the contact name, _Soonie🐯💖,_ and a short -hollow- laugh escapes him when he thinks about the photo of the two of them together in his contact photo. The photo that flashed his screen five minutes ago while he was in the shower. It was during one of Jeonghan’s infamous Halloween parties. They’d gone together as Tony Stark and Captain America. Everyone kept saying it was fitting since he’s the short one, but he didn’t mind. He got a laugh whenever anyone was too pushy and Soonyoung whacked them with his shield. Soonyoung insisted on taking a photo together and being slightly inebriated he acquiesced without too much of a protest. Just as Soonyoung snapped the photo, Mingyu jumped out of nowhere dressed as Edward Scissorhands screaming bloody murder. Needless to say he always gets a good laugh from looking at their screaming faces. Soonyoung looks particularly funny. He can almost feel the grip on his shoulder. Soonyoung apologised until the bruises disappeared completely, but he kept glowering at Mingyu for another week.

He didn’t pick up his calls earlier either. He feels guilty, but most of all he feels embarrassed at his panic attack in the car, and running away. Soonyoung knows, though. He understands why. It’s not just the dinner causing him to panic. Before he can think too much about it, the claustrophobic feeling he had in the car starts to creep up on him again, he checks his messages.

From _Soonie🐯💖_

_[19:30] Are you still going?_

_[19:33] Am I still picking you up?_

To _Soonie🐯💖_

_[19:45] Just got out of the shower_

_[19:45] We’ll be ready by 9_

From _Soonie🐯💖_

_[19:45] K_

The rapid response almost makes him feel guilty, but he’s too stuck in his own head to linger on that emotion.  
  
“Soonyoung should be here soon,” Wonwoo knocks at his door. “You ready? Been awfully quiet in there.” Before he can think to answer, soft footsteps signal that the moment has passed. Checking the time he realises he’s just been standing in the middle of his room, staring into space.  
  
Walking downstairs, he figures Soonyoung driving was too much to hope for. He instantly feels bad. It’s not his fault by any stretch of the imagination, Jihoon just doesn’t.. doesn’t what? Appreciate the reminder? Tonight was going to be a celebration. A final bang, celebration of all they’ve achieved and an end to sleepless nights and caffeine jitters. Not this. This feeling deep in his stomach and high in his throat making him feel like he’s about to throw up.  
  
Wonwoo opens the car door. Junhui sits by the furthest window, Soonyoung in the middle and that leaves.. Jihoon of course. Without making a fuss he takes a seat next to the alpha and Wonwoo shuts the door and goes for the seats behind them. The split second he slides his eyes over the alpha he can practically hear the gears turning in his head. Again he feels guilty, but pushes it down.  
  
Junhui continues whatever rant he was on before the car stopped in front of the apartments, but Jihoon isn’t listening. He wonders if Soonyoung is. There’s a flick to the back of his head which makes him turn his head towards Wonwoo with a scowl saying ‘what’.  
  
“What’s going on?” Wonwoo mouths, confusion evident between his brows.  
  
“Nothing,” Jihoon mouths back with a shrug.  
  
“Later.” Wonwoo motions between them and leans back in his seat. Fantastic.  
  
The party is at Jeonghan’s, of course. Without saying a word Jihoon exits the car and steps inside the practical mansion that is the Yoon vacation home. He smells Wonwoo catching up to him before he feels him hot on his heels, but he ignores him like his life depends on it. He regrets not pregaming, but there had been no need to since Jeonghan provides.  
  
Spotting Kang Daniel in a corner he sees his potential distraction for the evening. And perhaps a last shot at someone who's not his best friend. An involuntary shudder passes through him at the thought of Soonyoung and him mating for life. It's funny, everyone always made fun of them, poking and prodding at them saying they were bound to end up together in the end. Turns out they were right, but not for the reasons they thought. Not once in his twenty-five years has he thought about his best friend that way.  
  
Fuck, he needs a drink.  
  
“Jihoon!” Wonwoo calls out to him, but the only things Jihoon is willing to acknowledge tonight is the drink Jeonghan hands him once he steps into the kitchen, and Daniel’s eyes raking over him which is welcome and familiar– unlike the rest of today.  
  
An exuberant amount of alcohol later, he's got his arms wrapped around Daniel’s neck while exposing his own to the alpha. When he leads Daniel to one of the guest rooms he accidentally meets eyes with Soonyoung who's sitting next to Wonwoo on a couch. Should he feel guilty? He finds he doesn't as Daniel bites at his neck.  
  


⋆

  
  


“Okay, what's going on?” Wonwoo demands as Soonyoung chugs his beer. He really should have gone with something stronger. He wonders if Junhui is still doing shots in the kitchen and contemplates joining him and Joshua. It has to be better dying tomorrow than wallowing in self-pity like he currently is. “Did something happen?” Wonwoo continues. “You didn't– did you sleep together is that why—” Soonyoung nearly howls with laughter, but his heart's not in it.

“No, but we will,” Soonyoung says and he almost flinches with how detached he sounds. “We’re set to mate in three months, Wonwoo. Three fucking months.”

“What?”

“Yeah that was pretty much our reaction,” Soonyoung grumbles. “Maybe he's got the right idea. Should get my dick wet before life as I know it is over.” He laughs again, doesn't have to look at Wonwoo to know he's too stunned to say anything. “Fuck me, I need a drink.”

Wonwoo doesn't follow him and he doesn't blame him. It must be weird for him too and faced with their reality he might realise that it could be his own sooner than he’d like.

“Jeonghan!” Soonyoung calls with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. “Give me your strongest drink, if you please!”

“Careful what you wish for,” Jeonghan laughs, but starts mixing with a grin anyway. He's always prided himself on his parties and especially the quality alcohol though it really is wasted on them. “Cheers to us!” The older alpha hands him a cup and clinks it with his own. Seungcheol joins the toast along with Mingyu and Joshua. Meanwhile Junhui is snoozing on a bar stool, but that's nothing new. Downing his drink and making another he can almost forget what the months have in store for him. But it's still there, nagging at him until he's had enough that his friends have the sense to keep any lick of alcohol out of reach.

He's so drunk he can't get it up after taking an omega to a room already reeking of sex; _of Jihoon,_ he realises belatedly after running to the en-suite bathroom to hurl. The poor omega leaves with a groan, but maybe they're a little thankful he didn't vomit on them.

He doesn't know how long he's been there when Wonwoo’s scent fills his senses and the alpha runs his fingers through his hair while Soonyoung occasionally vomits. Neither comment the tears streaking down his cheeks, or question if it's from more than just the vomiting.

⋆

Jihoon doesn't know what time it is, but the knock on his door is _too damn early._ “Go away!” He groans and flips onto his stomach and buries his head beneath one of his pillows. Regret swivels through him, the movement too quick and waking a throbbing hangover. “Wonwoo I said go away…” He turns again, landing on his back and feels something rising. Recognizing the cold sweat and unpleasant dizziness he gets up as quickly, but carefully, as he can and opens the door. He runs past Wonwoo and rushes to the bathroom.

“I'm having the strangest sense of deja vu.” Wonwoo says with a hesitant smile and Jihoon flips him off during his first bout of vomiting.

“What do you want?” Jihoon whines. He feels it creep up his throat again and he retches involuntarily, stomach rapidly clenching and unclenching, tears looming at his lash line.

“It can wait until you're done,” Wonwoo says and Jihoon’s thankful to be left alone to wallow in misery. “I prepared some of Mingyu’s hangover soup.” That does sound like a relief.

Stomach empty he rinses his mouth before brushing his teeth. He stares at himself in the mirror after undressing and he flinches the tiniest amount. There are red marks from under his jaw to his thighs. He looks like a fucking teenager, except maybe the darkness beneath his eyes. He'll send some stern words to Daniel… He takes a long shower, feeling tension leave him just like the pink of his hair colouring the froth and exiting the drain. Stepping out his hair is barely pink anymore, more of a soft rose gold, but he doesn't mind. He's run out of pink dye and sick of the upkeep anyway.

He doesn't look at Wonwoo as his naked wet feet bang too loud on the wooden floor. He grabs a pair of boxers and some sweats and an oversized t-shirt and decides that's more effort than he ever intended to put into today and heads for the kitchen.

Wonwoo is stirring the soup and there are already side dishes on the table. It's funny, neither of them care for cooking, but they still take care of each other. That and Mingyu wouldn't let them starve. He wonders how he's got enough time on his hands to feed all of them.

Jihoon clears his throat to get Wonwoo’s attention.

“Hungry?”

“Starving.” Jihoon’s stomach rumbles helpfully.

“Sit.” Wonwoo grabs the pot and sets it on the kitchen table and starts pouring for both of them.

There's nothing but the sound of chopsticks and slurping for the longest time, but he's still not ready for Wonwoo to speak up.

“Ready to talk?”

“Doubt I'll ever be..”

“Then you might as well do it now,” Wonwoo says with a shrug, eyeing him carefully like he's a wild animal ready to fight or flee at any second. “Soonyoung told me about, well. You know.”

“Of course he did,” Jihoon sighs. He shouldn't be surprised, and he isn't, not really. Soonyoung’s not one to lie or keep secrets, always wearing his heart on his sleeve and reads like an open book. It's as infuriating as it is endearing. “Then what more is there to say?” Wonwoo scoffs.

“Plenty?” His brows are furrowed now. “How are you feeling, for one? Will you go through with it?”

“Like shit.” For a lot of things. There's the hangover, but most of all it's ignoring Soonyoung and whatever and however he's feeling. It's only been a day and he feels like shit for it. “I don't know. We haven't— I left before we could talk about it.”

“Do you want to?” What other alternatives does he have? Wouldn't Soonyoung be the logical choice? The safe choice? Then again ‘safe’ hardly means ‘best’.

“Hardly,” Jihoon scoffs and picks at his rice. “It's always been the two of us, but.. never like that. I love him, I do, but–” Tears are welling up in his eyes and he finds he can't continue without succumbing to his tears so he doesn't.

“Not like that.” Wonwoo finishes for him, sad smile on his face. “I'm sorry everything sucks, Jihoon.” Jihoon smiles a little, choking on a pitiful little laugh.

“Yeah,” he sniffles, unable to voice the reason why he's crying, but he thinks Wonwoo might understand. It's not just that this mating feels out of his control, but it's fear. Fear for the future, of feeling and being unloved, but it doesn't come close to the fear of losing his best friend. “Me too.”

⋆

“Want to talk about why you were crying in my bathroom?” Jeonghan’s voice is too loud for his hangover. “I know you're not asleep. I can practically hear the gears grinding in your head.” Soonyoung pops an eye open after Jeonghan pokes his side.

“How’d you know?”

“You drool and your eyes are the tiniest bit open when you’re asleep.”

“Do not.” He frowns and rubs at his cheek, double checking and making Jeonghan laugh. That's when he notices Junhui sleeping by the foot of the bed. He always moves too much in his sleep. Soonyoung smiles despite himself, feeling grateful to his friends, to Jeonghan, for taking care of his hopeless entourage. They're really getting too old for sleepovers, but he'd be lying if he said he didn’t miss it. He feels like a kid again, or he would if not for the issue hanging over him.

“Here.” Jeonghan shoves a glass of water in his face and he chugs it down greedily. Thankfully he rid himself of everything in his system during the night and only feels a slight pounding in his head. He puts the glass on the bedside table closest to him and plops himself back onto Jeonghan’s enormous pillow, sinking into it.

“Have you thought about mating?”

“Who hasn't?” Jeonghan says, confusion evident in his voice. Junhui snores particularly loud and Jeonghan pushes him onto his side with his bare feet. “It's around that time, isn't it? We aren't kids anymore.”

“Right.” Soonyoung stares at the ceiling, worrying his lip. “Have your parents decided on a mate yet?”

“There's a couple to choose from.” Jeonghan shrugs, much more nonchalant than Soonyoung finds himself able to act. “We’ll start courting eventually and see who's the best fit.” _Courting_. Would he be able to do that? Would there be a point to it? Would Jihoon even want him to? He can imagine his best friend both angry and flattered at the prospect.

“So you have a choice,” Soonyoung mumbles more to himself than anyone else. _I don't know if we have a choice._

“I take it you don't? Or is it something else?”

“I don't know.” It's easier like this, speaking while staring somewhere else. “Do we have a choice?”

“We?” 

“I feel guilty,” he starts, changing the subject, stringing his thoughts together. “Like it's _my_ fault because I'm the alpha.”

“Because you have ‘authority’?”

“Maybe? I mean I don't, but I still feel responsible,” he sighs. In his peripheral vision he can see Jeonghan opening his mouth, but he beats him to it. “You didn't see the way he looked at me, like I— like I ruined his life.” He leaves the who unsaid, throat closing up and his brows raise without his consent, but he can't stop the tears.

“Shhh, Soonie,” Jeonghan pulls him close and rubs his back. “It's okay, let it all out.”

He's too overwhelmed to care that Junhui wakes due to his sobbing and allows himself to be squished between his friends when Junhui hugs him from behind and starts scenting him; allowing him to calm down and be lulled back to sleep.

It’s a fitful sleep, Jihoon’s somber eyes enough to make him weep even in his dreams.

⋆

“If it's not my favourite cousin,” Taeil smiles sweetly and gives him a tight hug. The beta seems more buff every time he sees him and Jihoon can barely breathe until he's let go.

“I'm your only cousin.” Jihoon scrunches his nose and scowls at him, but it's half-hearted at best.

“Point still stands.” Taeil shrugs and leads him inside the house. It's so stereotypically artsy, exactly what you'd expect from two professional musicians living together. Organised chaos, and various instruments strewn about, though the most precious ones are mounted to the walls. “You want coffee or something? I’ll make Jiho put the kettle on.”

“Jiho’s home?”

“Yeah,” Taeil smiles and pats his abdomen. “We've been trying so he’s been taking some time off.”

“Oh,” Jihoon’s eyebrows shoot up. Jihoon doesn’t think he’s ready for kids of his own quite yet, no matter how much his grandmother wants him to, but then again Taeil is older by four years. Will he want kids in four years? He shakes that thought out of his head before he can start thinking about whether Soonyoung wants any and what they’d look like. Hopefully their grandmother will get off his back for a while if Taeil ends up with child. “Good luck!”

“Thanks,” Taeil chuckles at Jihoon’s awkward comment. “What did you want to talk about? You sounded.. stressed. Look it too.”

“Gee, thanks, cuz.” Jihoon rolls his eyes and sits down on the too expensive couch beside his cousin. “But yeah, there was - _is-_ something.”

“Well,” Taeil shrugs and looks at him earnestly. “Whenever you’re ready. Jiho is busy with a meeting so you don’t have to worry about him bothering us.” Jihoon’s always felt comfortable in Taeil’s presence. The older has always been more of an older brother than a cousin, and he never made Jihoon feel like a nuisance just because he was younger and always tagged along. There’s always been a confidence to what the beta’s done and Jihoon’s always admired that.

“How did auntie and uncle feel about Jiho?” _Since they didn’t pick him_ , he doesn’t have to voice it because they both know.

“They were shocked for one,” Taeil laughs, eyes closing as he does. “Then sceptical since he’s ‘new money’, but they came to respect him when they saw how he handled running his own company. And I think they knew they couldn’t have stopped us even if they wanted to.” Taeil scratches at his chin and Jihoon can see the love flowing from him as he thinks back to how they met. Jiho fought for him and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Jihoon wishes he had something like that. He’d never felt or experienced such love, only ever seen it in others. Maybe that’s why he’s scared; tying himself to someone, even Soonyoung, means giving up what Taeil has with Jiho.

“Grandma wants me to mate Soonyoung,” Jihoon speaks almost too quickly. “And she wants me to get off the suppressants.”

“Oh,” Taeil’s eyes widen in understanding. “I take it you’re not too excited about that? Or is it nerves?”

“Yes,” Jihoon answers too quickly, voice suddenly shaky, a tenuous string about to snap. “He’s…” He takes a break before continuing, not wanting to test the waver in his voice, not wanting to cry. Taeil seems to understand, at least he tries to.

“Which cousin do you want, the ‘it could be worse’ or the ‘fuck grandma’ one?” A surprised guffaw erupts from Jihoon’s throat at that.

“Don’t say that,” Jihoon says, but continues his surprised laugh. “Maybe she will get off my back when you get pups.”

“I don’t know about that,” Taeil shrugs, a wicked smile on his face from earlier. “You always were her favourite.”

“No wonder when you make jokes like that,” Jihoon shoots back.

“She only wants what’s best for you.”

“I know,” Jihoon sighs. “I just don’t know if this is it.” He ends up recapping what he’s simply dubbed as _the dinner_ , and how mortifying the whole experience was. How scared he is for the future.

“Have you talked with him about this?

“Soonyoung? No, I…” Jihoon looks away, embarrassment licking at his insides, guilt a close second. “I kind of ran away before we could.”

“My, my, I didn’t know we had a Cinderella in the family.” Taeil opens his mouth, but closes it again and bites his lip. He obviously wants to say something.

“What?”

“I’m trying to be the nice cousin,” Taeil begins.

“You’re my only cousin,” Jihoon remarks once again. It makes the air a little bit less stifling, he can already tell what Taeil is going to say. It was cowardly and unfair to run away. He _knows_ it was.

“You’ve been ignoring him since the dinner?” Jihoon nods. “That can’t feel great, Jihoon. You’ve been partners in crime since you were toddlers. I’d know, I’ve babysat the two of you more times than I can count,” Taeil shakes his head, fondness for the duo clear as he speaks. “You’re not alone in this. He must be scared too. I don’t think the poor kid knows how to tie his shoes without you.”

“You make it sound like codependency.” Jihoon rolls his eyes.

“It’s for emphasis, you gremlin.” Taeil rolls his eyes right back, but somehow more fondly. 

“What do I even say? ‘Hey I know everyone expects us to mate, but I don’t know where that’ll leave us’?”

“Why not?”

“I—“ He doesn’t really have an answer. What is he so afraid of? Soonyoung knows him inside and out, probably better than he knows himself, just like he knows Soonyoung like the back of his hand. Taeil’s words sting then, Soonyoung must be just as torn up as he is. How would Jihoon feel if Soonyoung had been the one to run away? His cheeks burn painfully at the realisation. How callous of him.

“What do you want, Jihoon?”

“Love,” Jihoon says, voice small. He sounds like a child, he’s sure he’ll see it reflected in Taeil’s expression, but there’s nothing like that. Taeil looks almost sad.

“Maybe you’ll find it in time.”

“You think we should do it?”

“Don’t listen to me,” Taeil puts a hand to his chest. “Listen to yourself. What does Jihoon want? How could it be with the big puppy? Do you want to be courted?” Jihoon chuckles a little, imagining Soonyoung trying his best, flailing as he tries to court him to the best of his ability. He’d be good to him, Jihoon knows. But again there’s the whisper in the back of his mind— _is that enough?_

“Thank you, Taeil,” Jihoon gets up from his seat to give his cousin a hug.

“I take it you’re not staying for coffee? Jiho has an offer for you.”

“Next time,” Jihoon promises and heads towards the entrance. “I have to talk to Soonyoung.”

“You’re welcome, cuz!”

⋆

  
  


A week. It's been a week since any sort of exchange between himself and Jihoon. It feels surreal, it's the longest he can remember them not communicating. As kids they'd even call each other's landline when they were on holiday, the few times their families weren't vacationing together. He remembers Jihoon’s mother sounding so endeared whenever she picked up the phone, she always made conversation with him before handing the corded phone over to her son. Jihoon could always be heard whining in the background, yelling at her that it was him Soonyoung wanted to talk to.

Jihoon really is the spitting image of her, Soonyoung thinks. She was kind, but stern, much like her son. It's been too long since he left them flowers. They were his family too, Soonyoung remembers Jihoon’s parents telling him. And wow, they really had been telling them all along how they meant for them to be together, without them realising, no matter how explicitly it was stated.

To _Hoonie_

_[16:30] Can we talk?_

He doesn't expect an answer right away, at all, really, but Jihoon hardly ever does as one expects him to.

From _Hoonie_

_[16:31] Your place?_

To _Hoonie_

_[16:33] I'll be waiting_

Typing and deleting a couple of times he finally decides on a simple reply. Not a second after pressing send does he feel antsy. His throat is fucking dry. Anxiety prickles at his every nerve. What is he even supposed to say once they’re stood face to face? Should he encourage they don’t do as their family expects of them? Should he do the opposite? What does he even want? What does Jihoon want?  
  
Then again, it should be obvious what his best friend wants. His absence this past week speaks volumes.  
  
Ambivalence, that’s where Soonyoung lands, he supposes. Loving Jihoon and _loving_ him are two different things, worlds apart.  
  
The doorbell rings and he’s left to wonder how long he’s been standing in his living room, torn between his family and his dearest friend. Tentatively he steps to the door, expecting it to be Jihoon in spite of the fact that the omega has his own key; it’s how he got into the building after all. He understands the hesitation, why he doesn’t let himself in, because he hesitates just the same before opening the door.  
  
“Hey,” Jihoon says, voice tender. It’s the first time in his life that looking at him is difficult. It scares him.  
  
“Hi,” Soonyoung says, hating how out of breath he sounds, and steps aside to let him in. “You ready to talk?”  
  
“No,” Jihoon says, but the tentative smile on his face, soft like his rounded cheeks, is enough to put Soonyoung at ease. He promises himself that no matter what, they’ll be okay. Jihoon’s smile, the first one directed at him in over a week, allows him to believe it.  
  
They’ll be okay. He'll make sure of it.


End file.
